There can be no failure to a man who has not lost his courage, his character, his self-respect, or his self-confidence. He is still a King.
Orison Swett Marden
What Is Self-ConfidenceSome might say it is feeling good about yourself or presenting a perception of high self-worth. The Bing definition of Self-confidence is a “feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.”
Why Do We Need Self-Confidence
Having self-confidence is crucial to our success, happiness and ability to achieve fulfillment. Without self-confidence, we fail. In fact, we may not even try, for fear of failure. Have you ever gone into an interview doubting your ability? Have you ever had a conversation with someone who was clearly lacking conviction in their abilities? The fear and doubt is palpable. It is obvious to everyone, either on a conscious or subconscious level, there is something lacking.
One the flip side, we can also recognize confidence. We can sense when someone knows what they are talking about and believes in their ability to do what they say they can do. Ask an experienced tree trimmer which branches need to be pruned and he will sing like a canary. Ask an inexperienced one and he will tell you he needs to take a closer look and will get back to you. Or, he will fumble over his words while his eyes dart away. There is no faking true competency.
This might suggest that genuine self-confidence comes from the conviction of and belief in your own competency. In order to gain more self-confidence then, we must first improve our competency in order to strengthen and grow our belief in ourselves. While you may not have the complete proficiency or ability yet, it is certainly possible to develop. All you need to do is focus your time and attention.
You Can Create It
“You can do anything you set your mind to” Benjamin Franklin If you want to be a dancer, take up dance lessons. If you want to be a writer, write. If you want to be president, volunteer for a political campaign. The first step is to decide what you want to be competent at. The next steps is to learn. Find whatever avenues you have available to learn more about the topic of your choice. Set your intention on learning. Become a sponge and soak up as much knowledge you can find.
The beauty of our generation and our technological age, is that—at any time you wish–you can find information, resources and educational materials on virtually anything that you want to learn more about. Ask a question in a search engine and you will get 20 pages of responses. Each link will offer clues and keywords that can be used to refine your search. As you hone in on the topic, you may find institutions and universities who offer classes on the topic. There is funding made available through grants and student loans. There are so many options, there literally is nothing standing in the way of you building your competence. The only thing stopping you is you.
What Keeps You From It
This is where our core beliefs come in. Do you believe you can do what you want to do? If you have an unyielding, genuine desire to do something, that is your foremost and clearest indicator you have what it takes to make it happen. If you have a dream, but you don’t believe you can make it happen, the key is to identify what core belief is blocking you. Did your parents tell you it would never happen, or that you were not good enough or smart enough? Did society tell you that your upbringing, culture or demographic is not capable? Did you try once, fail and quit, because people said you would never make it?
The key here is that all of these are external sources, and they don’t know even half as much as they think they do of what they are talking about. They don’t know you like you know you. They don’t know what you are capable of. Are you going to let them keep you down? Do you truly believe what they say? Building our self-confidence on the truth of who we are and what we are capable of has nothing to do with external factors. While the external environment may create unique challenges, they can only delay you, they can’t stop you. Believing in ourselves requires that we build a foundation based on our strengths, passions and purpose. These things cannot be taken away. You can build unshakeable self-confidence, once you have countered your negative beliefs and developed your competence.
Fake It To Make It
There is a small element of “fake it until you make it” that comes into play here. At first you may not believe that you are capable. Once you identify the core belief and develop the countering positive belief, you should start to act as if you have already achieved the belief. My son asked one day, “is there anything you are afraid of”, to which I replied “sure, there are plenty of things that make me feel frightened. But, I just pretend that I am not scared and the feeling goes away.” The same concept applies here: pretend that you are not afraid to learn and grow. Pretend you are not afraid to type in that google search. Pretend you are not afraid to start at the bottom and work your way up. Before you know it, you won’t be afraid anymore.
Expectations
Expectations are also important. Set the expectation now that you are going to fail. You may even fail a number of times. But guess what, with each failure, you will have learned what it takes to avoid that failure in the future. Failure can uncover hidden flaws that we might not otherwise realize. Set the expectation that failure is a good thing. We are human and allowed to make mistakes. John Maxwell said “fail early and fail often.” Failures are good, as long as we learn from them. The process of elimination—learning what doesn’t work or is a smashing failure—can provide instrumental and invaluable guidance. This type of learning and the growth that results, can lead us to our promised land of future success.
The Reward
Once you have made your commitment to a goal and established a path to improving your competence, natural, effortless and genuine self-confidence will start to emerge. Gradually you will start to realize your ability to do almost anything you put your mind to. One-by-one you will accomplish the goals you have set for yourself, climbing the ladder of self-awareness, self-worth and self-confidence. You will become an unstoppable force of nature! Nothing will be able to stop you. You will be vibrant and full of life. You may find yourself happy, fulfilled and beaming with so much enthusiasm and energy, it will be contagious. Storms may come, but it won’t faze you, because you have a solid foundation and new perspective. If this is the life you want to live, it’s time to get to work. Improve your competence, improve your confidence, and by doing so you will improve your life.
Meaning To Life 